Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
