I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize