I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
