why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
