I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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