as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
