I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
