Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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