It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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