Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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