I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
