Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
