Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
