i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
only you would photoshop your dick
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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