Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
