i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
