Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
