Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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