My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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