The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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