Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
