apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
