You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
