i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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