so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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