How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
