Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
