I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
