I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
