Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
