Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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