It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
