i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
