It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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