She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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