Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
