So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
