I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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