I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How does one acquire holy water?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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