It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
