you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
