I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
