very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he thought i was a dude.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
