i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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