I think my vagina is haunted
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And then my night got REAL pukey
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
