Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
