He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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