A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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