The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
