we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
