i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
