I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
