Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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