if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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