Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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