woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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