mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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