Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
