I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
