exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
