Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
