It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
