I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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