I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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