he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
