At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
