I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
